Your tits are I can't wait for
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she told me i tasted like america
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
