There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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