it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
