I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
