I faked an abortion last night.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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