apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
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My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize