Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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