Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
