well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
