after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
