I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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