i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
