mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
