Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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