My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
