Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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