what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
