Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
