U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
