Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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