Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
