If i come over, it means nothing
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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