Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize