Got a toothbrush?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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