Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
