I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
