just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
