he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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