Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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