i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
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I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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