I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
