It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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