If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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