I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
