Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
