so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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