just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
