apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
