Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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