I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
