I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
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i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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