my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
