I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
