If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
