not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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