; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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