woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
