She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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