would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
