A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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