I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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