I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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