he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
