On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
