We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
