WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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