I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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