just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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