I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dick very happy bro
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
