he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
