just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
