i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
