if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
